When Positivity Becomes Too Much

amberlynwellbeing
Nov 27, 2023
3 min read

A look into toxic positivity.

Too much of good thing doesn't make it a great thing. Toxic positivity is described as a behavior or belief that positivity will solve any problem. That it's more important or better to be positive than to feel any uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings. It can be a way of rejecting or denying any negative experiences.

We’ve all been there: we are talking to someone and we bring up some hard or frustrating thing(s) in our lives and instead of letting us vent and talk about it, we are cut off with a number of interjections:

“Could be worse”
“Look on the bright side”
“It’ll all work out”
“Don’t worry about it, try not to think about it”
“Positive or good vibes only”

It also rears it’s head in the fitness community:

“No bad days”
“If I can do it, so can you”
“Failure is not an option”

Excessive positivity can feel like the better option instead of working through difficult emotions. This response is typically well intentioned, but is ultimately unhelpful. When people are confronted with these responses the gut reaction is to hide their emotions.

There are many unseen effects of dismissing someone’s ‘negative’ feelings

Invalidating the persons experiences, interpretation of them as well as their emotional reaction. - I’ve often been asked why I am so upset about something, it’s not a big deal or it’ll work out
People can start doubting their own intuition
Encourages people to suppress their emotions - that there is a right way to feel

Engaging in toxic positivity creates such a harsh dichotomy between what are deemed “good” emotions and what are deemed “bad” emotions. There is not good or bad, they are just part of a whole. Ignoring uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings doesn’t make them go away. The longer we suppress something or not address it, the higher the chances are that it will come out in small ways. Our body has an interesting way of telling us when something is wrong, not only physically but emotionally.

Personally, when I become extremely emotionally distressed I exhibit ticks or twitches in my neck, usually looking like my chin is jerking out or upwards. In general, for most people it can look like general body tightness, headaches, digestive/stomach problems and more.

If you find yourself engaging in excessive positivity here are some tips to avoid that

Acknowledge your emotions and practice self compassion - whatever they may be, you’re allowed to feel them, Feelings of shame and embarrassment may arise when you express “negative” emotions,
Find balance - while excessive positive is not helpful neither is excessive negativity
Practice mindfulness and self compassion - work on being more present
Clarify your needs - if someone is responding to you with excessive positivity, set boundaries and let them it’s not helpful and you would like to vent for a minute.

If you find yourself being the one having the excessively positive response when it may not be the most appropriate, the best way to combat that is to just listen. People need to talk about the hard things going on in their lives. Holding space for people can do so much good when they may be struggling in the moment.

Remember, positivity is not bad nor are things that are deemed negative. Problems arise like with anything, when they are used and relied on in excess. We don’t need to shut down ourselves or others when uncomfortable feelings or experiences come up.

Allow for a full range of emotion, which in turn contributes to the full human experience.